Asking for help

This story is a tricky one to tell, because there are several perspectives.  My dad should tell his story.  Jason should tell his.  I will write mine.

Thurs, March 20 - I hear that my dad (aka Pops), who has been traveling in Morocco, crashed on his bike, and is in hospital.  My brothers spend the next few days trying to connect with him to learn more details.

We learn that he fell off his bike, broke 6 ribs on his left side, had a pneumothorax (collapsed lung), and had a chest tube in.

Being Spring break, we look into the cost of going to visit but it's way too expensive and it seems that dad is going to live to tell the tale without any long term effects.

My eldest brother Tony learns that my dad's travel insurance policy will pay for a family member to travel to Morocco to help Pops, if he is in hospital for 7 days.  We assume that he won't be in hospital too much beyond 7 days, but Tony looks into his options for making the trip.

Wed March 26 - Jason and I wake up and prepare to pack for our upcoming spring break vacation: cross country skiing in Granby, CO.  We make lists and I send Jason to the store for groceries while I get kids clothing organized with the girls.  Tony calls and tells me that Pops has now been in hospital over 7 days.  His chest tube has been removed and now they will keep him in hospital at least 7 more days for monitoring.  Although we know that Pops is safe, we are concerned that Pops is bored and lonely, since he knows nobody there and is just lying in a bed.  The travel insurance will pay for a family member to go and we want someone to go, but Tony cannot leave Canada for another 5-6 days.

I text Jason at the grocery store (9:19am): 'Dad is still in Morroco and insurance would pay for someone to go.  Any chance you want to go ASAP and could you take next week off school?'

Jason comes home.  We decide he should go.  He and Tony spend a lot of time sorting out the details and the next possible flight scenario is booked.  Jason is scheduled to leave at 4:30pm from the Denver airport.  Bus leaves at 2:20pm.  I'm supposed to work so I reschedule my patients for the afternoon so I can get Jason to the bus and watch the girls.

It's here that Jason should take over and write all about packing, luggage, seeing his mom, arriving in Agadir, seeing pops in the hospital, and adventures nearby.

At home, we were desperate for any news so eventually seeing pops and hearing his voice via FaceTime was awesome.  When Jason arrived, pops hadn't been out of bed for 9 days and was weak.  But each day he got stronger.  We weren't sure when pops would be cleared to fly and when they would fly home.  The unknown time frame on it all made me very anxious.

I ended up having the girls for 12 nights by myself.  Maybe for some people, that's not that crazy.  To us, that's pretty big. I'm actually really happy with how I coped... Especially once Jason had a return trip booked and I was in count-down mode.  Work was especially busy at this time and we didn't have any planning time to organize help.  Again, it made me wish we had a parent or sibling near by, but we don't.  It's pretty much just us, no matter what.

I'm not sure how single parents do it.  Most of my life and my conversations with friends now are about figuring out how to parent and still balance some other part of yourself - your household, your marriage, your health (sleep, eat, exercise), work, a social life... Every new parent I know struggles with this balance and how to make it work.

I have learned (and am still learning) that for me to cope and be happy, I need to ask for help.  I grew up never asking for help.  Ever.  I wanted to be fiercely independent.  I was taught not to impose.  I would struggle through impossible things in order to avoid asking for help or putting someone out.  I thought success meant doing it myself (except while on the field with a team).  I'm getting better.  Most of the time, I don't recognize that help would be a good thing and don't think to ask, but when it comes to watching my kids, I'm starting to get much more comfortable.  And thank goodness!  It makes life much easier.

When Rachel was born, we lived in Penticton and didn't have immediate family around to help us.  We had each other and did most things together as a family.  But I had friends and was social and felt supported, even if I didn't really feel like we had a babysitter option for more than 1-2 hours.

Moving to Colorado was tough because we had very little support.  We didn't go out on a real date until Rachel was 14 months old and it felt so complicated and expensive we didn't do it again for another 3 months.

In the last 12 days, though, I'm very proud of myself because I asked for help.  And having help and support around me has made me feel more comfortable here.  I've done gym daycare twice so I could swim.  I had a friend watch the kids so I could attend a work meeting.  I went to a cousin's for dinner.  I had a cousin watch Rachel while I took Ava to her sign language class.  I had a friend watch the kids twice so I could run and get groceries.  I also leaned on a couple close friends and family for emotional support.  So I feel like I have had loads of help and it has all gone quite well.

That's only the beginning of all the help we've had.  Jason's staff covered all sorts of things while he was out of school this last week, and a coworker will pick him up at the airport so I can stay home with the sleeping kids.  I know my brothers have done a lot of time on the phone and my dad himself was well taken care of.

So thank you, to all the angels out there, who have helped my dad and husband get back home safely. Thank you to the community of people who are helping raise my children, because one or two adults is not enough people to do it.

And let's all remember to ask for help and to lend a hand when we can, because things are much easier when we all work together.

This little adventure started out a bit crazy, and a bit scary, but once the dust settles down, it's going to be a great story.  Jason and my Dad had some amazing adventures, and some quality time together.  I learned a lot about myself and my girls, and I'm thankful on how it all turned out.

March 2014... Moving so fast!

Whoa... it's the end of March already?!  Things are zooming by.

So, what's happened lately?

Portland Trip
At the end of February, I took Ava to Portland for a PT course, and my mom came down from Victoria, BC to watch Ava while I attended the course.  Everything worked out well and we were thankful to Nana to watch Ava so I could do this.

Hectic Lives
We don't feel like we've really caught our breath since the beginning of Feb.  Work has been very busy for each of us.  My boss had her baby and another therapist has left the clinic.  Plus, I was hardly breaking even by paying for daycare and only working 6 hour days, so my days have become longer.  As a friend recently reminded me "kids are expensive... get over it!"  and I still feel like I'm working on this balance.

We are running around and can't seem to do a good job of anything.  We both feel like we are doing a so-so job of exercising, working at our jobs, parenting, keeping up with household tasks and bills.  Actually, we've done less than a so-so job with our household!

Jason came home to find that I'd 'hung the laundry to dry' like this... clearly running out of time on the task and leaving.

Ava turned 8 months (and is almost 9 months!)
Ava is becoming more proficient at crawling and can get into everything, so we have reorganized and tried to babyproof our upstairs.  It seems Ava eats all day.  Wake, nurse, play, eat breakfast, morning nap,wake, nurse, play, eat lunch, afternoon nap, wake, nurse, afternoon snack, play, dinner, bath, nurse, bed.  She is eating 'off the menu' at school, which means she can eat most solids.  Her teachers marvel at how much she can take down - she especially loves avocado, sweet potato, cheese, and banana.
No teeth yet.

Rachel 
Rachel got her first ever haircut at a salon.  She didn't love it.  She got to sit in a fire truck chair and pick a treat and a sticker at the end and watch the move 'Planes' as the hair dresser tried to maneuver around her hand as it tried to block her out.  Rachel keep saying 'I don't like that!' over and over...

She did love seeing the movie 'Frozen' in the theatre with me as a special treat, and has been pretending to be Anna ever since.  She has even worn a dress and put her hair in pony tails a couple times, and knows all the words to every song.

She loves playing with all her 'kids' as always.

Rachel has loved watering a plant on the window sill and watching it grow, and is wondering when we can have a garden outside...  too bad it keeps snowing in between beautiful sunny days.

Rachel is enjoying playing with others a little more and is making more serious friendships at school, so that she misses them and asks to go to school on her days off.  She is also becoming a more interested big sister - playing peek a boo with Ava and giving her toys and interacting with her more.

Thankfully, Rachel still loves to read and will often read herself to sleep at night.  She loves to read Berenstain Bears books, Robert Munsch books, Mercy the Pig books, Little Miss and Mr books, and Franklin books.  We go to the library and exchange books 1-2 times per week.

Funny things she has said lately:

1)Playing with her Daddy's throat and asking about an Adam's apple.  Laughing so hard while watching it move up and down.  Then shrieking in delight: "Daddy - do it again!  Swallow your apple!"

2) Rachel loves to measure things.  She'll grab her measuring tape and measure my leg:
R: "Mommy - you are so tall!"
M: "Oh?  How tall?"
R: "65 bucks!"

3) Singing "... the more we get to Heather, the happier we'll be..."


Anyway, we are busy but happy.  Lucky as always to have each other.

Ava is 7 months

It's been a while since we've had an Ava update, and she's already 7 months old!
 (All of these pictures and videos are mixed in time lines from the end of Dec until mid Feb.)

It seems we've spent a lot of time with Ava in her high chair lately, and that is a great place to take pictures.  She has recently refused to take much of anything on a spoon, but is doing a good job of feeding herself little chunks of things.  She's a bit pickier than her sister was at this age (Rachel ate EVERYTHING and wouldn't stop), but it's really fun to watch her check out new things.

7.5 months old!

Ava is a great sitter.  She can move to her tummy (not very gracefully, yet) from sitting.  On her tummy, she can roll around, get on to hands and knees, rock on all fours, and push herself around a little bit.  She's trying to crawl but usually just pushes herself backwards and gets frustrated at this point.  She loves to play in her exersaucer and bounce around, bat at things, bob her head up and down, suck her thumb, suck her Mommy's hair, pinch other people's skin/face.

She can click, squeal, squeak, say 'da da da da' and 'ga ga ga ga' and 'ba ba ba ba' and 'um-ga' and 'ma ma ma ma'.

The last two weeks, Ava has been a little fussier and hasn't stuck to her eating/napping/sleeping schedule quite the same. We keep wondering if that first tooth is going to make an appearance, but nothing just yet.

Her eyes are amazingly blue still and her sleep schedule is generally quite awesome still.  It's less motivating to leave the house these days for several factors.  One is that we've had lots of snow and cold weather.  Two is that Ava sleeps well in her crib.  Three is that Rachel is generally happy to play inside at home.  It's so different than when Rachel was little and wouldn't sleep in her crib, so I took her out all the time in a car seat/backpack/stroller and she slept en route and I got out.

On a good day, her sched looks like this:

6:45am - Rachel wakes her up. Nurse.
7:30am - high chair solid food breakfast.
9:00am - nap
10:30am - nurse
11:30am - high chair solids
12:30pm - nap
2:30pm - nurse, change
3pm - highchair solids
4pm - get fussy and tired, optional short third nap, optional nurse
5pm - highchair solids
6:30pm - nurse and go to sleep, usually sleeping through for 12 hours.

So she's nursing 4-5 times per day and eating solids 3-4 times per day.  It seems all we do is eat, clean up, eat again, sleep, wake up, eat again!  She must be an Oliver!

She's growing up very fast and it's tough.  I'm sad when she grows out of cute outfits and I put them in a box for someone else.  I see newborns now and they seem so tiny.  I'm sad sometimes when she only nurses for 10 minutes and she's done.

When Rachel was an infant, and I had to nurse her every night as part of the bedtime routine, I felt trapped.  Rachel also had inconsistent nights and I was up with her a lot more and she nursed a lot more often for a lot longer time frame.  With Ava, nursing seems like such a luxury.  I sit still and cuddle my sweetie.  I play on my phone.  I rock in the chair.  I don't have to get up and do other things.  Jason often goes through Rachel's hectic bedtime routine and tries to settle her down while I enjoy the peace and sweetness of nursing Ava.  I don't feel trapped at all.  I feel blessed and I don't want that to stop.  I don't even mind getting up at night to nurse when Ava is fussy in the night.

It's not that Rachel and Ava are so different.  It's probably just the normal differences between a first and second child.  I was so excited for Rachel to grow up and get to the next thing.  With Ava, I'm trying so hard to cherish these precious moments because life is so busy and they are disappearing so fast.